Sometimes our walk with God is not so much a "walk" but rather a weak, tired, crawl; sometimes its a climb up mountains of trials. This year has been packed full of trial after trial. Every single day has been a struggle. Some days I see no point in existing. This is when God grabs a hold of my heart and gives me purpose, reminding me why I'm here. Then I continue trying to live for Him. I try but so often I get distracted by c o m p a r i s o n. I start comparing my life to the lives my friends have: going to school, going out, making new friends, having fun, working.
Twenty-year-olds should be either working or going to school...certainly not spending two years in a psychiatric hospital. How am I supposed to be setting an example for younger kids when I can't even stay home alone and how am I supposed to shine a light for Jesus when my life is in shambles and I'm surrounded by darkness? I even question God: "How am I supposed to continue living for you when for three years I haven't felt you moving?"
What do you do when your whole world continues to fall apart? You either hold on to your brokenness and let it consume you or you turn back to Jesus and let Him calm your storm.
I guess I forget that God can use us wherever we are because He placed us here. Somehow God is going to use me right here in Parkwood hospital, even when it feels like the only thing I've done all year a survived. The ALMIGHTY God did not make any mistakes when He planned our lives. We are the right person, in the right place, at the right time. God designed us and our lives perfectly for the race laid out for us. God has fully equipped us for this life and His mercy is far greater than any mistake we could ever make. The same God who holds the stars in place is holding my life in place. He can use a broken life if only we have faith. Faith in God includes faith in His timing. I may not be doing what other twenty-year-olds are doing but I will get there eventually.
Sometimes our walk with God is not so much a "walk" but rather a weak, tired, crawl, sometimes it's a climb up mountains of trials...BUT it doesn't matter if we're walking, crawling, or climbing, God is right beside us faithfully leading us through.
