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| ~Waves ~ Therapeutic Doodling |
Once again, its been a really long time since I've updated my blog. *sigh* There has been so much going on in my head that it's been difficult to put my thoughts all together so that they make sense. I've been back in the hospital for the last two months. Once again I have been letting the MI (mental Illness) stigma get in the way of me wanting to be open and honest about my story on here. BUT-right now I'm going to set that aside because if I don't talk about this than who will..?
Our bodies can do some pretty insane things when we are under extreme amounts of stress. I think my body likes to find the most unique ways to express my stress. The most recent way is through psychosis. I've been so nervous about sharing this diagnosis because I feel as though people will automatically throw the "crazy" label on me as soon as they hear "psychosis."
The psychosis is caused by extreme stress and the psychosis causes extreme fear, anxiety, and paranoia. I've learned that I "compartmentalize" things in my mind to organize my life. It's as if I have a box in my mind for my emotions and a separate box for my thinking. When I access my "emotions box" the emotions take over and I loose my ability to think clearly. When this happens, there is a quick 'switch' in which the emotions begin to send messages to my brain saying "Go!" "Quick, get out of here!" "It's not safe!" My automatic reaction is to run away! I've even managed to escape from the locked unit of the hospital several times. I don't mean to do this and although I really want to go home I still do not want to run away. Right now I am unable to recognize this 'switch' that happens in my mind, therefore, I am unable to control my automatic reactions.
Right now my therapy consists of learning different ways to recognize what my body is telling me and recognizing when my body makes that 'switch'. If/when I do recognize that my body may be telling me that I'm stressed then I am supposed to use a "grounding technique". Grounding Techniques are anything that activate the senses such as holding cold ice, lighting & smelling a candle, petting an animal, listening to calm or very exciting music.
This is a difficult part of recovery. I feel like so much of this stage of recovery is on me: things I need to learn and trial and error of new strategies - figuring out which ones will work for me. One of the coping tools I have been looking into is a service dog! I'm pretty excited about this. It would give me something to work towards and look forward to. Another coping strategy I have been using is little cards that my mom printed out for me that talk about our identity in Christ with verses on the back.
You can find the cards here:
Over the past week my new anti-psychotic medication has been working! This is a HUGE improvement! It has made such a difference! Please pray for continued healing, and wisdom for my doctors. Pray that I will stay strong in my faith and cling to my true identity in Christ and just let the devils words just pass me by. Please pray that the process of getting the service dog would move along quickly. Thank you for all your prayers and support!
