Dear Hurting Friend

To my dear hurting friend,

Are you struggling? Are you worn out and tired? Do you feel like you are about to give up? Then hold on! Be strong! Hope is coming for you! If you have made it this far than you are a fighter!

I know what it feels like to think you're drowning and believe you're not going to make it to the other side of your mountain. I know what it feels like to reach your breaking point. You say you "can't do this anymore." You feel as if life is too much for you to handle and you would rather just die so you can be with Jesus. You feel like your life is out of control. You think you've gone too far. You've even convinced yourself that God could never love you. I've been there...actually I'm still recovering from that place. I know you will struggle to believe these next words but I promise you, with all I have in me, that these are all words of truth!

It's a daily battle for me to believe the things I know to be true. Somedays I win; somedays I loose, but thank God the final battle has already been won! We have victory in Christ! One day (in God's timing) Christ will bring us to the place where he will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more pain, sorrow, crying, or death. What a wonderful truth!

This trial that you're going through is not the last word! God has written the final chapter and it is about fulfillment and eternal joy for those who love him. Eternity with God will be more amazing than we could ever imagine! Hearing about how awesome heaven will be makes me feel so impatient...I long to be "home" with Jesus NOW...but that is not His plan. God's plan and God's timing are perfect. He has a purpose for you-an amazing plan that ONLY YOU could fulfill-before he calls you home. 

"He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be My son [daughter]." ~Revelation 21:7

The people who overcome "stand firm to the end." Following Christ requires boldness and bravery to stand for him through these difficult trials. Yes, He is carrying us (especially when we don't "feel" him) but we must do our part to walk with Christ with all the strength we can muster up. THEN, on the days we are too weak we must cling to His promises with every last ounce of strength we can find. On our darkest days when we barely have the strength to call out his name we can merely whisper his name and He will hear us. Sooner or later life turns upside down for everyone. When life gets hard the road to recovery may not be painless. It may not be quick but God is going to use this struggle for good...trust Him.

Your friend, Summer 

Winter Update

~Waves ~  Therapeutic Doodling

Once again, its been a really long time since I've updated my blog. *sigh* There has been so much going on in my head that it's been difficult to put my thoughts all together so that they make sense. I've been back in the hospital for the last two months. Once again I have been letting the MI (mental Illness) stigma get in the way of me wanting to be open and honest about my story on here.  BUT-right now I'm going to set that aside because if I don't talk about this than who will..?

Our bodies can do some pretty insane things when we are under extreme amounts of stress. I think my body likes to find the most unique ways to express my stress. The most recent way is through psychosis. I've been so nervous about sharing this diagnosis because I feel as though people will automatically throw the "crazy" label on me as soon as they hear "psychosis."

The psychosis is caused by extreme stress and the psychosis causes extreme fear, anxiety, and paranoia. I've learned that I "compartmentalize" things in my mind to organize my life. It's as if I have a box in my mind for my emotions and a separate box for my thinking. When I access my "emotions box" the emotions take over and I loose my ability to think clearly. When this happens, there is a quick 'switch' in which the emotions begin to send messages to my brain saying "Go!" "Quick, get out of here!" "It's not safe!" My automatic reaction is to run away! I've even managed to escape from the locked unit of the hospital several times. I don't mean to do this and although I really want to go home I still do not want to run away. Right now I am unable to recognize this 'switch' that happens in my mind, therefore, I am unable to control my automatic reactions.

Right now my therapy consists of learning different ways to recognize what my body is telling me and recognizing when my body makes that 'switch'. If/when I do recognize that my body may be telling me that I'm stressed then I am supposed to use a "grounding technique". Grounding Techniques are anything that activate the senses such as holding cold ice, lighting & smelling a candle, petting an animal, listening to calm or very exciting music. 

This is a difficult part of recovery. I feel like so much of this stage of recovery is on me: things I need to learn and trial and error of new strategies - figuring out which ones will work for me. One of the coping tools I have been looking into is a service dog! I'm pretty excited about this. It would give me something to work towards and look forward to. Another coping strategy I have been using is little cards that my mom printed out for me that talk about our identity in Christ with verses on the back. 

You can find the cards here: 

http://www.proprofs.com/flashcards/cardshowall.php?title=who-i-am-in-christ-verses

Over the past week my new anti-psychotic medication has been working! This is a HUGE improvement! It has made such a difference! Please pray for continued healing, and wisdom for my doctors. Pray that I will stay strong in my faith and cling to my true identity in Christ and just let the devils words just pass  me by.  Please pray that the process of getting the service dog would move along quickly. Thank you for all your prayers and support!