Dear OCD,
Sometimes I wonder why I was cursed with you. Day after day I stand here tormented by you. At times your anxiety grips me so hard I can barely breathe. You caused my immobilizing seizures. you're so unreliable! You always tell me to panic when I have an unsafe thought when no one else would be phased by such a thought.
I hate that you are aware (or at least part of you is aware) that my anxiety doesn't match up with reality. Part of you tells me that my fears aren't going to happen. Part of you is rational.
But only part.
And that's painfully cruel! You've taken over my brain and made my brain betray me. Brain, you have to know how cruel that is because even though I know I should let this fear go-you won't let me. Even as you taunt me with reality you still force me to clutch that anxiety to my chest.
You make me go to war with myself, making me ruminate until I'm physically and mentally exhausted. You make my thoughts bounce back and forth like pinball machine. You send out 600 "what ifs" per hour. The only way I can let go of these thoughts is through sheer exhaustion.
Sometimes I hate you, brain, and because you are a part of me...sometimes I hate me BUT I don't have to take this anymore. Now I'm standing up to you! I'm not going to let you control my life anymore. Until now our relationship has been built on fear and that's just not healthy. Relationships need trust and I just can't trust you. So, I guess this is it...I'm breaking up with you. I don't want you to be part of my life anymore. I'm taking the necessary steps to get rid of you for good. Good bye OCD...I'm moving on from you.
Sincerely,
Summer
