We all find ourselves in situations where we feel we have no control, where we feel hopeless and alone. Maybe you're suddenly without a job, lost in a stormy dark night, your relationship or marriage is spiralling out of control, your child shows you no respect, or a sickness or death leaves you breathless and now you feel your friends distancing themselves from you because they don't know what to say or do. What would you like people to do for you if you were in one of these situations?
Most likely you would want them to do for you as I would want you to do for me. When you know I am cutting to try and stop the pain, when I'm running away from fear, when I am hearing illogical voices in my head that are constantly telling me untruths, or when you see me crouching in a corner, alone and inclosed by an inescapable sadness, please:
Take my hand and lift me up.
Show me compassion, not pity or disgust.
Tell me, retell me, assure me, that I am a woman of worth and significance.
Show me you love me with an unconditional love (Don't just tell me!).
Show me grace.
Treat me as you would a "normal" person-because I am.
Invite me to be-and accept me as-your true friend.
Give me a shoulder to cry on.
Don't abandon me.
Don't be afraid to talk with me. I can share what I am comfortable with (some days will be different than others).
Try and understand me (all I ask is that you try).
Be honest and tell me what you're thinking.
Don't try and be my psychologist-leave that to the experts.
Pray for me and with me-only God is my complete healer!
Read/message me the truths of God's word to me-I need to be reminded often.
(SAY)
I'm here for you
You're not alone in this
You are important to me
Do you want a hug? (please ask because somedays it may make things worse)
When all this is over, I'll still be here and so will you
I can't understand exactly what you are going through, but I am here to listen and support you
I'm not going to leave or abandon you
You're not crazy
I love you (only if you mean it)
It sucks that you're in so much pain
I'm not going to leave you; I'm going to take care of myself, so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me
What can I do to help?
This must be very hard for you
I'm here for you; I'll always be here
You are amazing, strong, and beautiful
You'll get through this
You never have to apologize for your illness or feeling this way
I'm not scared of you
These statements show that you recognize that
I am in pain, that you don't understand, and that you will be there for me anyways.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is give me a little escape from my mind. Distract me with something fun and leave my illness aside for a while. I love to have fun but sometimes my illness gets in the way.
I know I have significance in God's sight. I know I am loved by him and that gives me a sense of purpose, hope, peace, and comfort that no one will ever experience unless you know Jesus Christ personally...but would it ever feel great if I could feel that, and hear that from you as well. I know it would speed my recovery and it would give you a sense that God is using you to heal me.
Thank you to my wonderful Papa, Jim Johnston, for helping me with this post! I love you!
I watched Frozen again the other night and both times I watched it I couldn't help but notice the similarities to my life with MI (mental illness). Could Disney be speaking of the dangers of stigmatizing MI and the power that love and acceptance has in recovery? Honestly, I don't know...but the similarities were too much for me to pass up.
Elsa, one of the main characters in the film, has a "condition" that is strongly linked to her emotions. She has explosions of ice from her hands that she cannot control. With my mental illness I have emotions and actions that, at times, I cannot control.
When Elsa is little she accidentally hurts her sister, Anna, with her powers. I know there have been times where I have hurt other people when I've done things I didn't mean to do.
Elsa and her parents become afraid that Elsa will become completely uncontrollable. They chose to shield everyone from her powers by keeping them a secret. They give her gloves to control her ice powers. My family and I are big believers in raising awareness for MI but there still has been times when the stigma has seeped into our minds. My family has never asked me to keep my illness a secret though, and they are completely supportive of this blog. Unfortunately, this is not the case for many children and teens. Many people go undiagnosed because they are afraid to have something "wrong" with them, or if they are diagnosed, it's kept low key.
"Conceal; don't feel" became Elsa's motto. I could write a whole blog about trying to "control" my illness in a society that doesn't understand it.
Elsa learns to shut everyone out of her life, even the people who desperately wanted to connect with her. I can't even count how many times I've felt so unloveable and ashamed that i locked myself away from the people who care about me. To everyone who's been trying to love me: you deserve a medal.
In the movie, Elsa has an embarrassing public outburst which causes some confusion and even some harsh criticism. One man repeatedly calls her a monster and tries to convince everyone that she is unfit to rule the kingdom. I'm not sure if this is a negative or positive that I can't remember most of what happens during a psychotic episode. Even though I can't remember, I still feel so embarrassed for doing such silly things that I wouldn't do in my right state of mind. At one point, Satan even had me convinced that I am unforgivable and that I would never make it to heaven.
Elsa runs away to the mountains by herself where she slowly learns to accept and even find beauty in her "condition." The lyrics to the song Let it Go (It's not just some little catchy song!)are so relatable to my life with MI! The song talks about holding everything inside because of shame, then "letting go" of it all, not letting the things that make you different hold you captive.
In the end, love is what restores Elsa, Anna, and their kingdom back to order. It is that love that inspires the entire kingdom to accept & embrace Elsa's powers. I know that I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for the power of unconditional love and support from my family, friends, and God.
Stigma keeps us silent.
Stigma keeps us away from others.
Stigma banishes us to the outskirts of society.
But love and acceptance can heal.
In order to teach the mentally ill how to love themselves; we must first learn how to love them.
It starts with the conversation. Lets talk!
(That is, if you can get Let it Go out of your head for a minute. ;)
